A Note To My Friends
Dear (Insert Name of Friend Here),
It seems like it has been so long since we have seen each other. I’m really sorry about that. I know you’ve been wanting to see me for a while, and who wouldn’t want to see me? The trouble is, as I’m sure you will understand, every time we do something together, you insist on taking photos of me; and who wouldn’t want to take photos of me? Sure, sometimes you’re in there too, but it’s only my appearance I’m concerned about.
As my life has gone on, gravity has increased the size of my double chin (no, it’s gravity, I don’t gain weight!), my ears have gone all funny looking, and my hairline is receding. I don’t like knowing that the only person in charge of how I look is, quite frankly, you.
That is why, effective immediately, the only camera you will be allowed to use when taking photos of me will be the Samsung DualView TL225 or TL220. Since it has that lovely little LCD on the front of it, we will both be able to see how I look when you are taking my photo, and I will know when I have reduced my chin, shown my best ear, and moved into a position where the glare from my slightly balding head no longer causes sun flare in the photo.
I understand that requiring you to purchase this new camera in order to see me is a tall request. However, I must do this in order to keep up appearances. If the financial burden on you is too difficult to overcome, please let me know and I will do all I can to remove you from my life permanently, as clearly your income bracket and mine are too far apart anyway.
Remember, I love you… but you love me more!
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